Navigating Friendship Loss: Insights from a Grief Therapist

Written by Melissa Reid, MSW, RSW

Friendship is often regarded as a mainstay of our emotional well-being. It's a connection that enriches our lives, provides support in times of need, celebrates our wins, and as a result contributes to our overall happiness. However, just as relationships can grow and flourish, they can also fade or end abruptly. Like any ending, it can leave us grappling with feelings of sadness, confusion, and anger. These feelings, in addition to intrusive beliefs, physiological changes and shifts in social engagement contribute to the experience of grief at the loss of a friend. As a grief therapist, I've witnessed the profound impact that friendship loss can have on individuals.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

When coping with friendship loss it is impactful and helpful to acknowledge, validate and feel your feelings. It's natural to experience a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, betrayal, and loneliness. Suppressing or avoiding these feelings has the potential to create additional stress related symptoms in the body. Instead, give yourself permission without judgement to feel whatever emotions arise. Remember that your feelings are valid, and it's okay and normal to mourn the loss of a friendship. 

Reflect on the Relationship

Take time to reflect on the dynamics of the friendship and the reasons behind its dissolution. Was it a gradual drifting apart, or was there a specific event or conflict that led to the breakdown? Understanding what went wrong can provide clarity and closure, allowing you to make sense of the situation and learn from the experience. However, be mindful of ruminating excessively on the events, as we can only look at events from our perspective. Ruminating can hinder your ability to be present and will likely not lead to solutions.

Seek Support

Just as you would turn to friends for support during difficult times, don't hesitate to lean on your support network when coping with friendship loss. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can offer empathy, perspective, and guidance. Talking about your experience with others can provide validation and comfort, reminding you that you are not alone.

Practice Self-Compassion

Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the ups and downs of friendship loss. Avoid self-blame or dwelling on perceived shortcomings. Instead, practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether it's spending time in nature, pursuing hobbies, or practicing self-care rituals. Remember that healing takes time, and it's okay to prioritize your own well-being.

Focus on a Growth Mindset 

When or if you are ready, you can view friendship loss as an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Use this time to cultivate new interests, nurture existing relationships, and explore aspects of yourself that may have been neglected. If possible, embrace the opportunity to redefine your identity outside of the context of the lost friendship. Who do you want to be now and who could you be tomorrow?

Coping with friendship loss can be a deeply challenging and painful experience, but it's also an opportunity for growth, resilience, and self-discovery. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, practicing self-compassion, and focusing on growth, you can navigate this transition with grace and emerge stronger on the other side. Remember it's okay to take this one step at a time.